A Biblical View of Marriage and Divorce
May 4, 2025
Scripture: Matthew 5:31, 32; Matthew 19:3-12; Deuteronomy 24:1-4
I would feel safe in saying there is not one person in this room this morning who has not, in some way, been touched by divorce. Some of you have experienced the painful reality of divorce. Others of you are children of divorce. Still others of us have watched from the sidelines as a member of our family, or a good friend, or a coworker, dealt with divorce. While still others of us, struggling through a dysfunctional marriage, might even be considering divorce as an option. All of us have been affected in some way.
Over 40 years ago, I saw my sister go through a second divorce. Painful…
This subject is one that elicits strong emotions in many people. I have no doubt the prevalence of divorce, and our personal connection with divorce, has shaped the way we think about divorce. It probably has affected the way I view divorce. Over the past week, I have researched, questioned others, and read and reread God’s word on this topic.
Now, let me say this upfront. I am no way saying my view is the only one, because there are many godly men and women who hold a different view, and it is just as contentious today as it was in Jesus’ time. With that said, I hope to present God’s truth about this topic of marriage and divorce in a loving, caring way.
Let me also note this. It is critical we understand what God thinks about divorce. Because what you believe about divorce reveals what you believe about marriage. And God is the Creator, the Inventor, the Designer of marriage. Therefore, only God can help us understand whether our thinking is healthy or unhealthy when it comes to both marriage and divorce. So, let’s look.
Matthew 5:31 states, It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.
During Jesus time, there was a controversy concerning divorce between two rival Rabbi-training schools. The controversy stemmed from the word meaning something displeasing, offensive or indecent as found in Deuteronomy 24:1. If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house.
Rabbi Shammai took the conservative view. He believed the only acceptable reason for getting a divorce was some grave marital offense or an act of absolute indecency such as adultery.
Rabbi Hillel, on the other hand, adopted a much more liberal position. This was the most widely accepted point of view. He believed the statement of Moses applied to a man who desires to be divorced from his wife for any cause whatsoever. For example, if she spoiled his dinner by adding too much salt, he could hand her a piece of paper and say, “Get out.” If she talked with another man on the street, the husband could write a certificate of divorce and say good-bye. If another woman came along who was more attractive, he could get out his pen and paper and write up the divorce and say, adios. These were just a few examples of reasons for divorce that were acceptable in Jesus’ day.
The religious leaders taught that divorce was valid for any and every reason, based on the rabbinic tradition. It was only necessary to be sure you did the paperwork. As a result, the Jewish people were shedding their wives at random. A man thought he was righteous, keeping the law, if he gave his wife a written statement of divorce. She, at least, then could prove she was unmarried.
We may laugh, but how different is this from today? Today, I am afraid people tend to regard marriage, divorce, relationships rather lightly. For whatever reason, so many people today have the same prevailing view on marriage as in Jesus’ day, if you are not satisfied, not happy—just get divorced. I also personally think many couples live together because it can be an easy throwaway relationship. They do not consider the impact on each other or possibly their children.
I wonder what Jesus would say to us today. Well, he said two thousand years ago, as recorded in Matthew 5:32 and further explanation in Matthew 19. Jesus said in Matthew 5:32, But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Jesus gives further explanation in Matthew 19. Matthew 19:3-6 states, Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus goes back to the origin of marriage in Genesis 1 and 2 and tries to reason with these religious leaders. What did God intend for marriage to be when He first created it? Marriages are meant to model the unity in the Godhead. Genesis 1:27 says, God created humankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them. Man and woman were both made in the image of God, but this image was especially seen in their marriage union.
Genesis 2:24 states, Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (ESV). Hold fast to or united carries the idea of firm, permanent attachment, as in gluing. In marriage a man and woman are to be so closely joined that they become one flesh which involves spiritual as well as physical oneness. It is a oneness that reaches the very depth of their souls. Marriage is two people making one unit, the blending of hearts, soul, minds, their wills. The union of marriage is one which God, as its Creator, never desired to be broken. God’s intent in marriage is a union of two people that is deeper than even the union or bond of parents and children, or any other relationship. Two become one flesh. Couples need to understand God’s original plan to protect and to have a successful marriage.
Malachi 2:14-16, notes husbands were dealing treacherously with their marriage companion. Verse 16 notes that God hates divorce. God hates divorce because of the hurt, the pain, and the damage it causes to people. Malachi 2:15, 16 indicates divorce brings violence in the home. God also desires godly children as another reason not to divorce.
Divorce is incredibly destructive and hurtful. Research has shown the detrimental effect that divorce has on spouses and on children. Divorce causes hurt and pain such as depression, loneliness, guilt, anger, resentment, low self-esteem, financial problems, and unhealthy habits. It also impacts children’s behavior such as anger, depression, regression, and blame.
The Lord does not desire this. He wants each person/spouse to develop their character, to mature in Christ emotionally and spiritually. He wants each of us to face ourselves, face our sin, face our immaturities, and learn how to deal with the tragedies of life, to learn and grow into the character of Christ and have a successful marriage.
God’s design for marriage was to be a special, wonderful relationship. Marriage can be difficult at times, but as each spouse follows God’s word, seek Him first, apply His principles, marriage can be an awesome, extraordinary relationship! As we put him first and apply His principles, God will bless. Kathy and I have pursued putting God first in our lives and the Lord has blessed. He has given us a special joy, a joy beyond what we could have ever imagined!
Now let me note this. A godly marriage is a powerful weapon for God’s kingdom. However, marriages are constantly targeted by the evil one (I Corinthians 7:3-5). If Satan can pervert marriages or destroy them, he can cause tremendous amount of pain, hinder the advancement of God’s kingdom, and diminish the glory God should receive.
As a result of Jesus answer that God had originally designed marriage to be permanent, the religious leaders then ask in Matthew 19:7. Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?
Jesus replied to their question in verses 8, 9, Verse 8, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
God allowed divorce because one’s heart can become hard. Hardness of heart is when a person is ingrained in their sin, unwilling to repent. It is the desire to do self-will instead of aligning with God’s will. Scripture extensively speaks how one can harden their hearts towards God by the repeated rejection of the gospel and doing one’s own selfish will (Note Ephesians 4:18; Hebrews 3:7-15; Psalm 95:8, 9; Psalm 17:10; Proverbs 28:14, etc.) One’s heart can become so hard that one becomes antagonistic towards the Lord. The same idea pertains to the marital relationship.
This begins when stress cracks appear in a marriage, and one does not pay attention to it or address it.
Stages: romance, reality, resentment, rebellion….If you do not deal with the resentment, it ultimately result into rebellion. Not dealing with resentment is a key problem. For instance, when romance has dwindled, you do not care. When there is a little bit of hostility, you do not care to resolve it. In a sense, there is a repeated rejection of taking care of the problem. As a result, one gets a little further apart, a little less loving, a little less communicative, less tender, less forgiving, less understanding, and one’s heart grows harder. Ultimately, something snaps inside a person and says, “I do not give a rip anymore. I do not care about my spouse anymore. I am done with this, and one becomes antagonistic. Please, if this happens, pursue help! Do not let hard-heartedness further deepen in your marriage. Please realize that Jesus wanted to bring them back the root issue-hardheartedness.
So, divorce is permitted due to the fall, something the Heavenly Father graciously allows in cases when sin has shattered the union of husband and wife. God permits divorce in select circumstances to help us endure the various effects of sin and the broken relationships it produces. Had evil not entered the world, there would be no broken relationships, and hence, no divorce (Hard Hearts and Divorce, Ligonier.org).
Then Jesus says in verse 9, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.
Jesus affirms exactly what Moses taught in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Jesus statement in Matthew 5:32 and here indicates that the exception to pursue a divorce is sexual immorality. The Greek word for immorality is porneia, a broad term encompassing various forms of sexual sin, including adultery, fornication, incest, and other violations of marital faithfulness such as a sexless marriage.
The Bible indicates that marriage is a sexual relationship. I Corinthians 7:2-5 instruct married couples not to sexually deprive their spouse. By withholding sexual interaction with one’s spouse unless because of being physically disabled/unable or taking time in prayer is committing immorality of a sexual nature. It reflects a husband losing love for his wife or the wife losing respect for her husband. It also reflects the issue of not dealing with a hardening heart.
Sexual immorality/marital unfaithfulness is a violation of the marriage contract and a reason for divorce. Ligonier Ministries, a highly respected Christian organization, has this comment about this verse. Jesus’ exception clause is more restrictive than the marriage legislation of His day. He recognizes how hard it is to live in this fallen world and gives those who have been horribly offended an out, but He also draws boundaries between what allows people to separate lawfully and what does not.
Now let me note a few other Scriptures that indicate the possibility of divorce. I Corinthians 7:15 provides another legitimate ground for divorce. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
So, if an unbeliever departs, you are not in bondage in such cases. Why? Because God has called us to peace. God does not want you to try to hang on to somebody who hates everything you believe in. That would not be peaceful. When an unbelieving spouse abandons the marital relationship, one is free to divorce and remarry.
Scripture also indicates that when marriage and divorce occur before salvation, one is a new creation in Christ. One is free to remarry.
Now let me add this. There are some additional complex situations where knowing God’s will can be complicated. There are certainly other ways of being unfaithful to a spouse and family that do not involve adultery. For instance, sometimes circumstances involving physical abuse place spouses and children in a position of grave danger. Substance abuse is another special circumstance. I would like to say that it is going to work out, but sometimes the best thing is to get out.
Since these religious leaders had such a liberal view of divorce/divorce for any reason, the result would be marrying another person would be committing adultery. No legitimate/Biblical reason to divorce, then there is no legitimate reason to remarry. One would be committing adultery. Jesus wanted to drive home the seriousness of God’s design for marriage!
Now, let me be clear about this. Reconciliation is always what God desires. It is undoubtedly what any follower of Jesus Christ wants for his or her marriage. Jesus does not mandate divorce in these situations. Often, the wisest action is to save the marriage if both are willing to make the marriage work God’s way! This is going to take humility, forgiveness, emotional and spiritual growth in Christ as they both need to learn and apply God’s design for marriage! (Note comments on God’s design earlier in message.)
Sadly, reconciliation often does not occur, and divorce happens. This might be even when one party does not really want divorce. And in every divorce, regardless of the circumstances, there is more than enough guilt.
The Lord hates divorce but never hates divorced people. For those who have divorced, God’s grace abounds. The Gospel assures us that no sin is beyond the reach of Christ’s redemption. 1 John 1:9 states, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. Divorce is not the unforgiveable sin. Jesus died for our sins, and God’s love and grace are often experienced in even greater ways in our failures. Where sin increases, grace increases even more (Rom 5:20).
As the church, Christ’s body, we must teach God’s truth but also love and comfort those who have suffered through a divorce. We must help them understand God’s design for marriage but also help them deal with the pain when divorce occurs. We must walk with them and pray with them. Help them to realize that often from our greatest struggles comes our greatest ministries. (Note II Corinthians 1:3, 4.)
Unfortunately, churches have not helped matters much. Not only is the divorce rate just as high among church attenders, but many churches have also served up generous “helpings” of guilt and rejection.
Upon hearing Jesus’ conversation about divorce His disciples say in Matthew 19:10, If that’s how things are, it is better not to get married at all! In other words, no one wants to be trapped in a relationship. What if things do not work out?”
Jesus responds in Matthew 19:11, 12 by indicating that some can accept not marrying like being physically incapable or have given up marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. However, the person who can marry should accept the Lord’s teaching about marriage.
Jesus is indicating to his disciples in a sense, “You just don’t get it do you? You’ve taken divorce so lightly that you’ve missed how beautiful God wants your marriage to be!” Listen, Jesus wants you to have a radically strong marriage. Do not divorce lightly. Don’t get started down the path to being hardhearted. Mature in Christ! Learn and obey His word concerning marriage. Put on a Christ-like love!!!
Over the years, Kathy and I have encouraged Aaron to find someone who he can love, and who has a love/a high respect for him (Ephesians 5:33). Find someone who shares the same core values in your life, who seeks the Lord first. Find someone whose temperament mixes well with yours. Go on the hunt! Search the planet! Move to the Dallas Theological Campus. Look for somebody with whom you can make a commitment to for the rest of your life. We believe he has found her! He has a love for this young lady, Justyna, and she has a love/high respect for Aaron. A few days ago, Kathy and I were talking to them. I asked Justyna if Aaron was staying out of trouble. I was impressed with her response, “He is trying! He is a great guy!” I have hope for Psalm 128:6.
Let me close with this as reported by several news sites this past week.
Pope Francis in the forward to his book, Love Forever, which was published after his recent death, urged couples to prepare properly for marriage and commit themselves to “love that lasts a lifetime.”
The pope likens marriage to the tango, which he says he danced in his youth in Argentina. He says the dancers "experience closeness and distance, sensuality, attention, discipline and dignity. They rejoice in love and understand what it might mean to give themselves to someone completely…. He states, “Of course, I am not blind, and neither are you. How many marriages today fail after three, five, seven years?” He urges young people considering marriage to believe in love, believe in God, and believe that you are capable of taking on the adventure of lifelong love. He encourages couples to transform their love into something great.
He writes, “We cannot continue as before: Many only see the beautiful ritual. And then, after some years, they separate. Faith is destroyed. Wounds are opened. There are often children who are missing a father or a mother.”
The tango is a dance that must be learned. This is all the truer when it comes to marriage and family. It is not a "passing dance, but an "adventure" that, with unceasing "wonder," lasts "a lifetime." The Pope therefore proposes a journey that leads to the joy of love. The pope finished the foreword stating, “In young love, the dancing — step by step, a dance toward hope with eyes full of wonder — must not stop.”
